Notice To All Who May Visit This House

I have Pets.
They live here. You don’t.
If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it “fur”-niture.
I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
To you, they are animals. To me, they are my adopted children who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don’t speak clearly.

And finally…

Remember that dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

Eat less
Don’t ask for money all the time
Are easier to train
Normally come when called
Never ask to drive the car
Don’t hang out with drug-using people
Don’t smoke or drink
Don’t want to wear your clothes
Don’t have to buy the latest fashions
Don’t need a gazillion dollar for college and…
If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.